NFL Power Rankings: Week 1


We finally made it! Week 1 is finally here! Real NFL Football starts tonight! Who cares if Trevor Siemian is playing, REAL FOOTBALL!!!

It’s a new season which means new opportunities. Everyone starts off 0-0. Everyone starts off equal, right? WRONG! Fuck no, teams aren’t equal. Hey shitty teams, news flash, your team is still shitty! So while the actual rankings might show that everyone is tied and all is good and fair, I am about to break down the Power Rankings of the NFL and will be updating it every week.

   32. San Francisco 49ers

              2015 record: 5-11

Two words, Blaine Gabbert. There is a reason why in 8 games as a starter last year, he had a 3–5 record. He is a guy that can be a servicable backup in this league but you can’t be a good team with him as your starter.

   31. Los Angeles Rams

              2015 record: 7-9

Welcome back to Los Angeles! All the hype, all the moves at the draft, everything seems to be pointing up for the Rams right? Oh.. wait… Jared Goff, 1st overall pick that they gave up everything for is inactive Monday? HE’S 3RD STRING?! What the hell is going on? LA fucking start the kid, you have nothing to lose. He needs reps. Starting journeyman Case Keenum isn’t going to win you the Super Bowl, so start the kid you mortgaged your franchise to trade up and get.

   30. Cleveland Browns

              2015 record: 3-13

While I like what the Browns did this offseason, they still did not do enough to fix the stink that is the Cleveland Browns. No one wanted to sign with them this summer, all their own free agents left. You can only control what you can control. So what do they do? They hire Hue Jackson which was better than I thought they would be able to get. Then they move down in the draft and load up on draft picks to fill holes. I think RGIII will have a bounce back season, but the rest of the team has to prove it to me before they move up on this list.

   29. Chicago Bears

             2015 record: 6-10

How bad do we think Jay Cutler will be this year without his QB guru Adam Gase, his go-to guy in Martellus Bennett, and his favorite check down target and his life saver Matt Forte? Dumpster Fire. Lets just say I don’t have a lot of faith in this team.

   28. San Diego Chargers

            2015 record: 4-12

Philip Rivers isn’t that bad right? And Melvin Gordon has to bounce back right? And they added the next JJ Wyatt in Joey Bosa right? I’m not buying it. That offense is still going to be bad and the defense isn’t going to be far behind them.

    27. Philadelphia Eagles

              2015 record: 7-9

It seems like this team is more interested in shipping off anybody that Chip Kelly brought in rather than ya know, actually building a football team!!! Anyways they are going to be starting a QB who played FCS football and was the 3rd string all preseason and got no reps with the 1’s. Sounds like a plan for success if you asked me.

   26. Tennessee Titans

              2015 record: 3-13

I for one think Tennessee is going to be improved from what they were last year. I mean thats not a huge stretch when they were the worst team in the league last year, but that was because Marcus Mariota got hurt and they didn’t have a running back. Well, Mariota is back and they have not 1, but 2 real running backs!!!! They are going to be a better team this year and Mariota will progress to be a good QB in this league, especially now because he has his go-to target in Tajae Sharpe.

   25. Detroit Lions

             2015 record: 7-9

What you weren’t impressed with Mathew Stafford when he had Megatron? Well how do you think he will be without him? This team is going to take a step back this year mark my words.

   24. Miami Dolphins

               2015 record:6-10

Can Adam Gase work his magic on Ryan Tannehill? Ehhh I’m not buying it. Maybe they shouldn’t have banked on a WR turned QB to turn around their franchise. Injury prone Arian Foster will not make it out of the season healthy and that secondary is SCARY, in the bad way if you are a Miami fan.

    23. Atlanta Falcons

              2015 record: 8-8

Remember when Matty Ice scared you, and Julio and that offense was great and they were making deep playoff runs? What the fuck happened. Hell they started out 6-1 to start the season. THEY ENDED UP 8-8! How does that fucking happen?!?

   22. Tampa Bay Buccaneers

           2015 record: 6-10

Watch out, Tampa is gunna turn some heads this year. Jameis Winston is going to take the next step. Mike Evans is going to be back to the top WR that he was his rookie season. That secondary is going to be improved. However, I do not trust Doug Martin.

   21. New Orleans Saints

             2015 record: 7-9

Drew Brees just got PAID! And he is going to show off why he got paid. The Saints will put up numbers this year. However, so will their defense… That secondary is bad. I mean really bad. I have 3 NFC South teams in a row and they are all outside the top 20. Not a good look….

   20. Dallas Cowboys

             2015 record: 4-12

The Boys are back!!!! Back to out of the playoffs once again! Dak Prescott was impressive during the preseason, like really impressive. But even if Dak plays well, this team still has a lot of holes. I don’t care if its Dak or Romo, this team is going to struggle this year, and it is going to be because of the other side of the ball.

    19. New York Giants

              2015 record: 6-10

We just talked about the Cowboys, now lets talk about their opponent for this week. The Giants are expected to be much better this year. Victor Cruz is back, Sterling Shepard is going to be in the running for OROY, the defense is going to be better. Well I hope the defense is going to be better after all the money you threw at it this offseason!

   18. Minnesota Vikings

              2015 record: 11-5

I gotta feel for Teddy Bridgewater here. He looked really good the second half of last year and that team seemed like they would once again be in the playoff hunt, but now, they get the sleeves. Part of me actually thinks that Bradford has a chance to have the best season of his career because this is the best team he has ever played on. However, I just don’t trust him to transition to this team in his first season.

   17. Buffalo Bills

              2015 record: 8-8

I actually kinda like Tyrod Taylor, but that contract they gave him is beyond stupid. I have 0 faith in Rex Ryan to make bring this team into the playoffs and think that Buffalo could actually take a step back this year.

   16. Baltimore Ravens

              2015 record: 5-11

Joe Flaco is back but it won’t be enough to bring the Ravens back. This team has a lot of hole on both sides of the ball. And the fact that they are banking on Mike Wallace to be the guy he was on the Steelers, for Breshad Perriman to actually play, and Steve Smith to be Steve Smith is crazy.

   15. Jacksonville Jaguars

              2015 record: 5-11

The Jags are back baby! I love the Jags this season, there is so much hype around them but we all know what is going to happen. They will look great in a bunch of games but won’t know how to finish them.

   14. New York Jets

             2015 record: 10-6

I can’t wait, can’t wait for after the big hold out, Ryan Fitzpatrick to fall on his face this season. I don’t think Fitz is going to be close to the guy he was last year for the Jets. And also, that secondary that they spent so much money on doesn’t look as great anymore, huh.

   13. Indianapolis Colts

              2015 record: 8-8

The Colts better hope Andrew Luck stays healthy this year because they are going to need him. Oh they could also use a better defense too. And maybe a running back that isn’t way past his prime. Hey Indy, I heard Trent Richardson is still on the market!

   12. Washington Redskins

              2015 record: 9-7

Hail to the Redskins! How many Wide Receivers do they need? DeSean Jackson, Pierre Garçon, and now with the 22nd pick they take Josh Doctson? Uhh hey Washington, I am not gunna tell you how to build a team but you know this isn’t a fantasy team, right? There are other players than just skill positions. Oh also, Kirk Cousins just doesn’t do it for me.

   11. Kansas City Chiefs

              2015 record: 11-5

The Chiefs are just, “ehh”. What is a better description than that performance they put on against the Pats in the playoffs, “ehh”. Their offense just doesn’t push the needle for me and I have no idea if Jamaal Charles will be Jamaal Charles again. I do really like their defense though.

   10. Oakland Raiders

              2015 record: 7-9

Like the Jags, it seems like there is a lot of hype heading into the season for the Raiders. I like what they seem to be building, Carr played pretty well down the stretch last year, and Amari Cooper and Khalil Mack are both freaks.

   9. Denver Broncos

            2015 record: 12-4

The Super Bowl champs at the 9 spot?! WHAAAATTT! Oh yeah, they don’t have anyone at the Quarterback position. You know, not a big deal or anything. Unless that defense is the best defense in NFL history again, I really don’t like the Broncos chances to even win a playoff game.


   8. Houston Texans

             2015 record: 9-7

Oh boy, here we go, this is where it gets dicy, it is hard to put Houston down without seeing how this new offense works out. Brock could light it up or suck it up. I think it might be the later.

   7. Cincinnati Bengals

              2015 record: 12-4

The red rocket Andy Dalton and the Bengals lit it up last year, until the red rocket got hurt. I think if Dalton played that playoff game last year they would have won against the Steelers. And I think they will once again be one of the best teams in the AFC.

   6. Pittsburgh Steelers

              2015 record: 10-6

Everyone thinks the Steelers are going to be amazing this year, but I will tell you why they won’t. Losing Martavis Bryant is going to hurt, but what is going to hurt even more is loosing Kelvin Beachum, ya know, the Steelers former Left Tackle. We are talking about the anchor to an Offensive line that was already the weakness of the offense. Also, the defense still STINKS! So you tell me, does that sound like an elite team?

   5. Seattle Seahawks

             2015 record: 10-6

Wanna talk about teams with Offensive line problems, look no further than Seattle. They can’t block shit. How will Seattle play this year without Marshawn Lynch. Also, who is their 2nd Cornerback now that they released Brandon Browner? Hmm…

   4. Green Bay Packers

              2015 record: 10-6

The Packers look to get back to the team they were when Rodgers won the MVP. He gets his favorite target back with Jordie Nelson and the Packers Defense looks to be better this year.

   3. Arizona Cardinals

              2015 record: 13-3

The Cardinals had a great season last year and they just got better this year. They add Chandler Jones and get back Tyrann Mathieu. They will once again be one of the best teams in the league this year. I am really interested in watching David Johnson because of all the hype he is getting. Lets see if he can live up to it.

   2. New England Patriots

            2015 record: 12-4

Listen, this isn’t who is the best team. It is who is the best team right now. I can’t put the Patriots #1 without Tom Brady and with some of the question marks we have with injuries. I can’t wait to see how Jimmy G plays this weekend against the Card D. If they win this game it they will for sure be pushing for that 1 spot.

   1. Carolina Panthers

              2015 record: 15-1

And here is the team that should have won the Super Bowl. The Panthers were the best team in the league last year and they should be right up there again. MVP Cam Newton gets his #1 Wide Receiver back Kelvin Benjamin. However, they are expected to start 2 rookies at cornerback. That for sure could be bad for a team that hangs their hat on their Defense.

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