NFL Power Rankings: Week 2


   32. Los Angeles Rams

              2016 record: 0-1
              Week 1 ranking: No. 31

Guess what, the Rams STINK! S T I N K!!! Their Defense who is supposed to be unreal couldn’t stop Blaine Gabbert. Blaine fucking Gabbert. And their Offense is hands down the worst in the league. You know Jared Goff, #1 pick that the Rams traded up for? He didn’t dress. If the Rams don’t throw Goff into the fire soon, then Fisher is out of LA before he can even finish moving in.

   31. Cleveland Browns

             2016 record: 0-1
             Week 1 ranking: No. 30

IR-GIII. Down goes Griffin and down goes the Browns hopes to climb out of the cellar of the NFL. This team is a long way from even being a decent team in this league. I feel so bad for Deshaun Watson. Good news he gets to keep wearing that Clemson orange, bad news is it will say Cleveland on the front of his uniform.

   30. Chicago Bears

             2016 record: 0-1
             Week 1 ranking: No. 29

DAA BEARS. DEY SUCK. There was so much promise when the team intercepted the ball and worked its way down the field on that first drive. But that was it. That was the only good drive for this team. Bad boy Jay is going to be in for a world of hurt if he doesn’t figure it out.

   29. San Diego Chargers

             2016 record: 0-1
             Week 1 ranking: No. 28

It is never good when your best Offensive player goes down. Keenan Allen looks to be done for the year which hurts an already bad recieving core. Also, it doesn’t help that Joey Bosa still isn’t playing.

    28. San Francisco 49ers

             2016 record: 1-0
             Week 1 ranking: No. 32

Woah? Is that some life? This team just played in the worst Football game I have seen in a while, HOWEVER, they won! Blaine Gabbert did enough and Carlos Hyde looked pretty, pretty good. Chip Kelly might actually work his magic on this team.

   27. Tennessee Titans

             2016 record: 0-1
             Week 1 ranking: No. 26

Yikes. Not exactly what I was looking for for a team that I stuck my neck out for. Mariota played like shit. The running backs were ‘ehh’. Tajae Sharpe tho 👀

   26. Miami Dolphins

             2016 record: 0-1
             Week 1 ranking: No. 24

Did the QB guru Adam Gase work his magic? Not exactly. But hey they did give one of the better teams a fight. And if someone (cough cough Kenny Stills) caught that wide open touchdown, they could have won.

   25. Philadelphia Eagles

             2016 record: 1-0
             Week 1 ranking: No. 27

The kid looked good, butttt they were going against the Browns so take this performance with a grain of salt. For the Eagles to move up this list they need to beat someone who isn’t at the bottom of this list.

   24. Atlanta Falcons

             2016 record: 0-1
             Week 1 ranking: No. 23

Remember when the Falcons were undefeated to start the season last year? And they had a Running Back that led the league? Well the Falcons have now have neither. For all the fantasy football geeks out there, Devonta Freeman not only split reps, but was out performed by Tevin Coleman. Oh yeah and in total they only put up 42 yards. This team needs to figure out what worked last year and stick too it.

   23. New Orleans Saints

             2016 record: 0-1
             Week 1 ranking: No. 21

Drew Brees had a game and a half!! Damn that Offense was looking amazing, however, their Defense looked abysmal. It is too bad that the Saints have wasted these last couple of years for Brees career because he has no one who can play Defense.

   22. Dallas Cowboys

             2016 record: 0-1
             Week 1 ranking: No. 20

How about Dem Boys? Maybe if Terrance Williams had an ounce of intelligence in his brain and ran out of bounds the Cowboys would be much higher on this list. Well, unluckily for Dallas fans he didn’t, oh ya and Dez can’t catch.

   21. Tampa Bay Buccaneers

             2016 record: 1-0
             Week 1 ranking: No. 22

Welcome to the Jaboowins show! Jameis showed up big time and made some big boy plays to get the win this week. If Winston can take the sophmore leap this year instead of the sophmore slump, then I like where this team is going.

   20. Detroit Lions

             2016 record: 1-0
             Week 1 ranking: No. 25

No Megatron, no problem? Well maybe not. The Lions are going to have to win in different ways this year and I we should all keep an eye to see if they keep it going.

   19. Buffalo Bills

             2016 record: 0-1
             Week 1 ranking: No. 17

What happened? I thought the Bills won the preseason? I thought they were going to challenge the Brady-less Patriots this season? Tyrod Taylor under performed last week, lets see if he can do anything against the Jets Defense, who got lit up against Andy Dalton.

   18. Minnesota Vikings

             2016 record: 1-0
             Week 1 ranking: No. 18

NEWS FLASH! Shaun Hill is not a good Quarterback! And guess what, the Vikings know that. Thats why they gave up so much for Sam Bradford. But not only is the QB not doing enough, but Adrian Peterson had one of his worst games of memory. I don’t think this team can bank on their Defense to score touchdowns every game.

   17. New York Jets

             2016 record: 0-1
             Week 1 ranking: No. 14

I am still laughing at this game. Thank god they resigned Fitz right Jet fans?! We needed some of that Fitz-magic!! Hahaha that last interception was sooo bad. And how about Revis Island? I think a hurricane flooded that shit cause it is gone! Thank god the Patriots let him walk, cause paying him $16 Million a year for the forseable future.

   16. Indianapolis Colts

             2016 record: 0-1
             Week 1 ranking: No. 13

But look at Lucks stats!!! Look how much passing yards he had!!!! SCOOOREEEBOARDDDD. I can’t believe the NFL tweeted out ‘Have a day Andrew Luck!’ after his team got dummied by the fucking Lions. This team has 0 Defense. So sick Andrew, keep up the fantasy points, cause a fantasy football championship is the only championship you have a shot at winning this year.

   15. Washington Redskins

             2016 record: 0-1
             Week 1 ranking: No. 12

Well thats a kick in the dick. The Redskins got tossed around in this game. Big Ben and AB literally were able to do ANYTHING they wanted. That 4th & 1 toss into the endzone catch by Brown was embarrassing. In field goal range no less! Sad!

   14. Jacksonville Jaguars

             2016 record: 0-1
             Week 1 ranking: No. 15

Hey, I mean you can’t let the new guy come in and…. steal the show. But this Jags team actually almost beat the Packers. If it wasn’t for that stupid play call for 4th down, this team could have shot up to the top.

   13. New York Giants

             2016 record: 1-0
             Week 1 ranking: No. 19

I feel weird putting the Giants this high but, hey they won. I don’t trust them and think they won’t stay this high, but they won and their team didn’t look half bad. Shout out for Victor Cruz being back.

   12. Baltimore Ravens

             2016 record: 1-0
             Week 1 ranking: No. 16

Was Joe Flacco’s play on Sunday elite? Hmmm well if not elite it was good enough. That secondary still scares me and I hate on banking on deep passes for scores. But something tells me playing the Browns this week you might as well bump up the Ravens even more.

   11. Kansas City Chiefs

             2016 record: 1-0
             Week 1 ranking: No. 11

Holy shit, Alex Smith has a pulse!!! That was a pretty impressive comeback. The Chiefs look like the team that was a playoff team last year.

   10. Oakland Raiders

             2016 record: 1-0
             Week 1 ranking: No. 10

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   9. Houston Texans

             2016 record: 1-0
             Week 1 ranking: No. 8

How about Brock coming out and throwing an interception on his first drive as a Texan? How many Houston fans pooped themselves a little? But he bounced back pretty well and that receiving core looks scary good.

   8. Cincinnati Bengals

             2016 record: 1-0
             Week 1 ranking: No. 7

The Red Rocket prevails!!! How lucky were the Bengals that Fitz shit the bed and the Jets basically handed them the win. I am not saying that they shouldn’t have won because obviously I think they should have. But I need more out of this team.

   7. Arizona Cardinals

             2016 record: 0-1
             Week 1 ranking: No. 3

Yikessss. Classic Patriots, they took away what the Cards did best, their long passing game. Everyone besides Larry Fitzgerald late in the game and David Johnson basically didn’t show up to this game. Like legit were not their. And if it wasn’t for 2 fumbles, I doubt this team even scores on the Pats Defense. And they let Jimmy G in his first start tear them up. So much for their Super Bowl hopes.

   6. Carolina Panthers

             2016 record: 0-1
             Week 1 ranking: No. 1

How did they not win. How… The Broncos turned over the ball 3 times and they still lost. They played fucking Trevor Siemian. How did they lose. I don’t get it I really don’t. Oh also that Offensive line is so overrated. Michael Oher sucks.

   5. Denver Broncos

             2016 record: 1-0
             Week 1 ranking: No. 9

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   4. Pittsburgh Steelers

             2016 record: 1-0
             Week 1 ranking: No. 6

Can someone (besides Malcolm Butler) shut down Antonio Brown? Anyone? Bueller? Of course this teams Offense looked amazing, but that is not what is going to hold them back. Their Defense has to be better if they wanna challenge the Patriots. Oh btw, they have the best backfield in the league.

   3. Seattle Seahawks

             2016 record: 1-0
             Week 1 ranking: No. 5

I wasn’t really impressed with the Seahawks last week but they won and you know how good this team is. Russ did hurt his ankle though so that is something to watch and that Offensive line looked badddddd. Like reeeeaaaallllyyyy badddddd. Maybe they shouldn’t have traded their Pro Bowl Center for a Tight End that doesn’t fit their scheme 🐸☕️

   2. Green Bay Packers

             2016 record: 1-0
             Week 1 ranking: No. 4

That Rodgers guy is pretty good huh. That pass he threw to Davante Adams while getting tackled by Jalen Ramsey was just stupid. No one should be able to make that throw. Also Jordy Nelson looked like he was running good in that game which is huge for the Packers.

   1. New England Patriots

             2016 record: 1-0
             Week 1 ranking: No. 2

Do I really need to say it? No Brady. No Gronk. No problem. Jimmy G played his ass off. His receivers caught everything. Stephen Gostkowski was clutch (unlike Arizona’s kicking game). The Patriots Defense looked unreal. I know I just said it but if it were not for the fumbles, I really think that this team was not going to let up a touchdown. This team is going 4-0 with Jimmy, book it.

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