NFL Power Rankings: Week 3



   32. Cleveland Browns

             2016 record: 0-2
             Week 1 ranking: No. 31

The Browns continue to be the dumpster fire of the league. Josh McCown got hurt.  They are now on their 3rd string QB rookie Cody Kessler. Their 1st round pick rookie WR Corey Coleman broke his hand. There is a warrant out for Josh Gordon. Dumpster Fire.

   31. Chicago Bears

             2016 record: 0-2
             Week 1 ranking: No. 30

The Bears are so happy that the Browns haven’t left Cleveland for the 2nd time, because they are the only thing keeping them from joining the fire. They are horrible, they have lost some key players to injury, oh yeah including Jay Cutler.

   30. Buffalo Bills

             2016 record: 0-2
             Week 1 ranking: No. 19

The Ryan brother’s seats are getting hot. And no it is not because of the large order of buffalo wings they are about to shit out. The Bills are a hot mess and it is not getting any better. Their Defence got DESTROYED by the Jets, so what do they go do? Oh yeah fire their Offensive coordinator. Oh and then the owner and his wife had meetings with some of the players going over Rex’s head. It’s not looking good for the Bills.

    29. San Francisco 49ers

             2016 record: 1-1
             Week 1 ranking: No. 28

Well…. It looks like the Panthers rebounded nicely. They just destroyed the 49er Defense all day in the air. San Fran looks shaky on both sides of the ball.

   28. Miami Dolphins

             2016 record: 0-2
             Week 1 ranking: No. 26

I am trying to figure out which team the Dolphins actually are. The team in the 1st half that made Jimmy G look like Brady Part II or the team that stormed back and made it a game on that last drive. I’m guessing somewhere in the middle but probably closer to the team we saw in the 1st.

   27. New Orleans Saints

             2016 record: 0-2
             Week 1 ranking: No. 23

Poor Drew Brees. I really feel bad for him. He is so good but his team is just so bad.

   26. Indianapolis Colts

             2016 record: 0-2
             Week 1 ranking: No. 16

I do not feel bad for Andrew Luck on the other hand. Fuck Andrew Luck. Yes, just like Brees, his team sucks. But Andrew Luck is so overrated it’s not even funny. And for the love of god can someone fucking beat Denver already!!!

   25. Washington Redskins

             2016 record: 0-2
             Week 1 ranking: No. 15

I love how the locker room is already turning on Kirk Cousins. Such a Redskins move. That locker room is toxic because that organization is toxic. They ate up RGIII and spit him out a broken man and they are about to do the same thing to Cousins.

   24. Jacksonville Jaguars

             2016 record: 0-2
             Week 1 ranking: No. 14

Ughhh, so much for all that hype. And I feel bad because I really like Blake Bortles, but this is getting ugly. They had so much promise, but like how it is in the NFL, teams who are known for losing keep losing.

   23. Los Angeles Rams

              2016 record: 1-1
              Week 1 ranking: No. 32

Mr. 8 – 8 does it again! It amazes me how the Rams pull this shit every year. Every fucking year! The Rams will always be a .500 team, and Jeff Fisher is going to keep it that way. Imagine if they had a real Quarterback, ugh only if they could draft one, ya know maybe 1st overall or something, then the Rams would be cookin!

   22. San Diego Chargers

             2016 record: 1-1
             Week 1 ranking: No. 29

Poor Poor Danny Woodhead. But TheChargers are 1-1 despite outscoring their opponents 42-3 in the first half this season. And luck for them they are facing the 0-2 Colts this week.

   21. Tampa Bay Buccaneers

             2016 record: 1-1
             Week 1 ranking: No. 21

Oh nooo!! Jameis what happened buddy, 5 interceptions in 2 games? Not a great look. If the Bucs wanna go anywhere this year Winston has to take a step forward.

   20. Detroit Lions

             2016 record: 1-1
             Week 1 ranking: No. 20

The Lions have to be scratching the heads after this one. They had multiple touchdowns called back and really had the opportunity not only to win this game, but winning convincingly.

   19. Tennessee Titans

             2016 record: 1-1
             Week 1 ranking: No. 27

The Titans pulled one out from the Lions! They might have gotten a little help from the zebras but they pulled one out! My boy Tajae Sharpe and the guys are moving in the right direction.

   18. Philadelphia Eagles

             2016 record: 2-0
             Week 1 ranking: No. 25

The Ginger Jesus strikes again! Carson Wentz impressed again. But lets see how he does when he isn’t playing the 2 worst teams in the league…

   17. Atlanta Falcons

             2016 record: 1-1
             Week 1 ranking: No. 24

Matt Ryan is on fire! He is 2nd in the league in passing yards and 1st in yards per attempt. Not bad for Matty Ice. Look for him to keep it up against the Saints horrible, horrible secondary.

   16. Dallas Cowboys

             2016 record: 1-1
             Week 1 ranking: No. 22

Dak with the win! The Cowboys should be 2-0 right now under Dak, but 1-1 should do. What is the chances that Tony Romo never starts a game for the Cowboys ever again?

   15. New York Jets

             2016 record: 1-1
             Week 1 ranking: No. 17

With all the money that the Jets have put into that Defense, you would think they would be performing a little better, looking at you Revis. But the Offense on the other hand looks pretty good, lets see how they look against some better defenses.

   14. Oakland Raiders

             2016 record: 1-1
             Week 1 ranking: No. 10

The Raiders might have lost, but they were #Nice. Derek Carr completed 69.9 percent of his passes with no interceptions. However, Oakland has let up 69 points in 2 games, not so #Nice.

   13. Kansas City Chiefs

             2016 record: 1-1
             Week 1 ranking: No. 11

It looks like that comeback last week was just luck. Because the team that we saw last week look a lot like the team we saw in the first 3 quarters Week 1.

   12. New York Giants

             2016 record: 2-0
             Week 1 ranking: No. 13

The Giants are on a roll! And don’t look now but they are playing a 0-2 Redskins. Eli going 3-0 whhhaaaatttt?!?

   11. Baltimore Ravens

             2016 record: 2-0
             Week 1 ranking: No. 12

The 2-0 Ravens might have the easiest schedule in the league. After playing the winless Bills and Browns the 1st 2 weeks, they then get the winless Jaguars, Raiders and Redskins…

   10. Cincinnati Bengals

             2016 record: 1-1
             Week 1 ranking: No. 8

That is what happens when you try to put the ball in Andy Daltons hands to win you a game. You are going to lose. Andy Dalton might be leading the league in passing yards, but he is truly lacking in the clutch gene.

   9. Seattle Seahawks

             2016 record: 1-1
             Week 1 ranking: No. 3

Oh boy. Not a great start for the NFC favorite Seahawks. They barely beat Miami and then lose to the Rams AGAIN!! This Offense better figure it out soon or their playoff hopes are going to vanish quick.

   8. Green Bay Packers

             2016 record: 1-1
             Week 1 ranking: No. 2

How far away are we from Aaron Rodgers telling us to R E L A X again? Because the Green Bay fans might need to soon. Rodgers looks horrible the other night and that defense couldn’t stop Bradford who has only been on the team for like 2 weeks.

   7. Minnesota Vikings

             2016 record: 2-0
             Week 1 ranking: No. 18

Sam Bradford have a day! Without Adrian Peterson,  he was able to tear up that Green Bay D. The Vikings Defense also looks pretty, pretty good. Can this team really keep it up with all the injuries? I don’t like their chances. You can only lose so many guys and keep up (unless you are the Patriots).

   6. Arizona Cardinals

             2016 record: 1-1
             Week 1 ranking: No. 7

The Cards had a bounce back game after getting embarrassed by the Patriots last week. And with them facing the Bills next week, it looks like they might even have a winning record!!!!

   5. Houston Texans

             2016 record: 2-0
             Week 1 ranking: No. 9

The Texans look to be a pretty balanced team this year, they finally have a run game, a passing game, and a great defense. They face the Patriots this week who are starting 3rd stringer Jacoby Brissett. NBD but kinda a big deal, Belichick is 5-0 with QBs making their first start. Hmmm….

   4. Carolina Panthers

             2016 record: 1-1
             Week 1 ranking: No. 6

Well the Panthers bounced back pretty well. Cam Newton showed us all why he was the MVP last year. Chucking it all over the place and there was nothing that the 49ers could do to stop him.

   3. Denver Broncos

             2016 record: 2-0
             Week 1 ranking: No. 5

Fuck the Broncos.

   2. Pittsburgh Steelers

             2016 record: 2-0
             Week 1 ranking: No. 4

Stealers VS Bengals: big rivalry game, tensions should have been high right? Not so much. This game was pretty disappointing. Antonio Brown got shut down by Pac Man. And somehow 33 year old DeAngelo Williams is leading the league in rushing yards…

   1. New England Patriots

             2016 record: 2-0
             Week 1 ranking: No. 1

How about a tail of two halfs huh? First half we come out and the team is running on all cylinders. Then Jimmy goes down and we look like a totally different team, on both sides of the ball. Now it looks like Jacoby Brissett is going to be starting against the Texans and guess what? We are still going to win.




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