NFL Power Rankings: Week 4

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   32. Cleveland Browns

             2016 record: 0-3
             Week 1 ranking: No. 32

Rinse, wash, repeat. The Browns being the Browns. Miami gave them the win and the Browns couldn’t pull the trigger. Their new kicker that they signed missed 3 field goals including the one to win the game. Then you find out they cheaped out on signing Robbie Gould when they have one of the lowest payrolls in the league.

   31. Chicago Bears

             2016 record: 0-3
             Week 1 ranking: No. 31

The only team that might give the Browns a run for their money. Also how is it that every year Brian Hoyer is the backup to start the season and something happens to the starter and he gets in.. hmmmmm…..

   30. New Orleans Saints

             2016 record: 0-3
             Week 1 ranking: No. 27

This game was there for the taking and the Saints blew it. All around. The defense couldn’t stop the run or the pass. Brees threw 2 bad INTs at the end. They puked on themselves.

   29. Jacksonville Jaguars

             2016 record: 0-3
             Week 1 ranking: No. 24

Ughhh, so much for all that hype. And I feel bad because I really like Blake Bortles, but this is getting ugly. They had so much promise, but like how it is in the NFL, teams who are known for losing keep losing.

    28. San Francisco 49ers

             2016 record: 1-2
             Week 1 ranking: No. 29

Don’t look now, but the ‘Chip Kelly is racist’ takes might start rolling out if Kap doesn’t start sooner than later. Because lets face it, Gabbert is not the answer, and yes, Kap still gets paid like a starting QB.

   27. Miami Dolphins

             2016 record: 1-2
             Week 1 ranking: No. 28

Puke. Puke! The Dolphins puked all over themselves but luck for them, they were playing the only team in the league that can’t win even if you hand it to them.

   26. San Diego Chargers

             2016 record: 1-2
             Week 1 ranking: No. 22

Another week, another season ending injury for the Chargers. Someone has the injury bug and that shit is spreading.

   25. Tampa Bay Buccaneers

             2016 record: 1-2
             Week 1 ranking: No. 21

How do you lose to the Rams? The Bucs actually made the Rams look like a good team. And now, the Rams are actually in 1st place in the NFL West. What the fuck is going on here.

   24. Buffalo Bills

             2016 record: 1-2
             Week 1 ranking: No. 30

AYYY!!! Big win for Rex and the boys!!! Lets go Bills Mafia!!! Wait…. what is that? They are only 1-2?? And huh? They are playing the Patriots this week? *Gulp*

 

 

 

   23. Indianapolis Colts

             2016 record: 1-2
             Week 1 ranking: No. 26

This team blows. BLOWS. They luckily won this game but they should have lost and it should have not have even been close. Andrew Luck needs to figure it the fuck out if they wanna even get a sniff of the playoffs. But they are in the AFC South so who knows.

   22. Tennessee Titans

             2016 record: 1-2
             Week 1 ranking: No. 19

Well, that looks like the team who was last in the league last year. They need to figure out who they are as a team and have to do it quick, once again, the AFC South is wide open so which team wants to win the division? Because so far it looks like no one.

   21. Washington Redskins

             2016 record: 1-2
             Week 1 ranking: No. 25

YOU LIKE THAT? WE ARE NO LONGER WINLESS!!! Good for the Redskins, they needed it. And only if Josh Normand treated every reciever as OBJ and they would really have something here.

 

   20. Los Angeles Rams

              2016 record: 2-1
              Week 1 ranking: No. 23

Don’t look now, but you LA Rams are leading the NFC West!!!! No you are not dreaming! This offense still blows and it still blows my mind that Goff isn’t starting.

 

 

   19. Detroit Lions

             2016 record: 1-2
             Week 1 ranking: No. 20

How can a team lose but move up in the power rankings? When you come back and almost beat the Green Bay Packers and every other team stinks. Marvin Jones looked uncoverable, now if they could get something out of Golden Tate they would be cooking with fire.

   18. New York Jets

             2016 record: 1-2
             Week 1 ranking: No. 15

GAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! FITZ!!!! HAHAHAHA 6 INTERCEPTIONS!!!! HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

   17. Oakland Raiders

             2016 record: 1-2
             Week 1 ranking: No. 14

Last weeks the Raiders were #Nice, this week not so much. This is why you never listen to the hype boys and girls.

   16. New York Giants

             2016 record: 2-1
             Week 1 ranking: No. 12

The Giants are a weak team. There I said it. They let Normand and the winless Redskins get in their head and make them blow this game which they should have won. Odel Beckham needs to grow up. And don’t pick fights with kicking nets…

   15. Atlanta Falcons

             2016 record: 2-1
             Week 1 ranking: No. 17

The hot Falcons keep getting hotter! They were able to do whatever they wanted to the Saints and might have the best backfield in the game. Too bad for them their easy schedule turns into a really difficult schedule as they face the angry Panthers this week.

   14. Cincinnati Bengals

             2016 record: 1-2
             Week 1 ranking: No. 10

That is what happens when you try to put the ball in Andy Daltons hands to win you a game. You are going to lose. Andy Dalton might be leading the league in passing yards, but he is truly lacking in the clutch gene.

   13. Dallas Cowboys

             2016 record: 2-1
             Week 1 ranking: No. 16

Tony Romo will not play another game as the Cowboys starting QB. Is that a hot take at this point? Dak has been amazing for a rookie 4th round pick. Tony Romo is about to end his career as a Cowboy the same way his career started.

   12. Kansas City Chiefs

             2016 record: 2-1
             Week 1 ranking: No. 13

Thank you Kansas City. Thank you for killing Ryan Fitzpatrick and the hopes of all the Jets fans out there.

 

   11. Philadelphia Eagles

             2016 record: 3-0
             Week 1 ranking: No. 18

Carson Wentz looks legit, but so does that Defense. How good is this Eagles team? Because if they are really that team that murdered the Stealers on both sides of the ball, then they look playoff bound.

   10. Houston Texans

             2016 record: 2-1
             Week 1 ranking: No. 5

How do you get shut out by a team that not only doesn’t have Tom Brady, but also doesn’t have Jimmy G and has to start their rookie 3rd round QB? Bill Belichick, thats why. I mean I knew the Patriots were gunna win, but I figured the Texans would score at least a 1 touchdown.

   9. Arizona Cardinals

             2016 record: 1-2
             Week 1 ranking: No. 6

Yikes. Remember when the Cardinals were Super Bowl contenders? This team just lost to the then winless Buffalo Bills. If their owner was embarrassed when they lost to the Patriots, then this guy might as well show up to the next game with a paper bag over his head.

   8. Carolina Panthers

             2016 record: 1-2
             Week 1 ranking: No. 4

Well the Panthers bounced back pretty well. Cam Newton showed us all why he was the MVP last year. Chucking it all over the place and there was nothing that the 49ers could do to stop him.

   7. Seattle Seahawks

             2016 record: 2-1
             Week 1 ranking: No. 9

Seahawks win but slid down the rankings because surprise surprise, if you don’t block for your franchise Quarterback, he is going to get hurt! Whhhhaaaattttt?!?!

   6. Pittsburgh Steelers

             2016 record: 2-1
             Week 1 ranking: No. 2

This team just got made like idiots. How does the “Best Offense in the NFL” not score a single touchdown all game? If this team can get pushed around like that then they are in trouble. Hopefully for them getting Bell back this week will spark them to get back on track.

 

 

 

 

 

 

   5. Baltimore Ravens

             2016 record: 3-0
             Week 1 ranking: No. 11

How are the Ravens still undefeated? Is Joe Flacco Elite? Find out next time on Dragon Ball Z!

   4. Minnesota Vikings

             2016 record: 3-0
             Week 1 ranking: No. 7

This is one of the biggest surprises of the year so far. For them to be able to do this without Bridgewater AND AP is pretty incredible. Sam Bradford is actually looking like a Quarterback that can play.

 

 

   3. Green Bay Packers

             2016 record: 2-1
             Week 1 ranking: No. 8

Well, that was quick. And just like that the Packers are fixed. Rodgers chucked up 4 touchdowns in the first half and everything seems to be going right for Green Bay again, until they let the Lions back in it and made it a game in the end.

 

 

 

 

   2. Denver Broncos

             2016 record: 3-0
             Week 1 ranking: No. 3

How. HOW! How long is it going to take for Trevor Siemian to show us who he really is. 4 touchdowns? Are you kidding me?! Fuck the Broncos.

 

   1. New England Patriots

             2016 record: 3-0
             Week 1 ranking: No. 1

No Brady? No Jimmy? No problem. We have this years MVP Jacoby Brissett coming off the bench to beat the then 3rd best team in the AFC. We just shut out one of the best teams in the AFC and we did it on a short week with our 3rd string QB. This team can not be stopped and we are going to be 4-0 when the best QB to ever play the game comes back. Thank god I am a Patriots fan.

 

 

 

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